talking resolves things

hmm.. today was a happy day, we were able to discuss a few important things.

it was quite a light day for me. thanks to the amf131 free cut. during our free time together, we bonded again in the roofdeck where it was insanely cold.

we were lucky to have chairs there so we were able to sit on somewhere. we were quite fearing of getting caught by some guards although we werent doing anything wrong. the fact that we were staying there when we're not supposed to, is well, unreasonable...

anyway, i told him i loved leaning on his shoulder. i really feel secured when i do so. although it feels awkward because my face becomes too close to him. its as if i was tempting him to do something that he fears i might be angry about..

another thing, we also agreed to lessen pda (if that's how you would call it since its not really that). its for our own good, i guess.. and he just wants to protect me..

we had another long tight hug before we left leong roofdeck. it felt like ages since we were able to do that, and it felt really nice and comforting.. i also felt his respect for me.. and for his self, i guess.. it is nice.

regarding the kiss thing, i told him, i wanted each to be special (although he argues that every day is special. really now. haha) so as not to lose the meaning. i guess that clears things up..Ü

one sad thing though... i wont be around on his birthday on the 24th.. that is, if our immersion sched will push through on the 23rd-25th.. i dont want to be selfish and prevent my groupmates to have an out-of-town immersion. so there, i had to be away. possibly without permission to use my phone.. i just have to make it up to him. when i told him about it, he wouldnt admit that it would be sad for him.. he was just trying to be understanding, as always.. but it would be really sad..

i just noticed while im writing all these down, my mind seem so fragmented.. nothing seemed coherent.. and everything sounded absurd.. i cant find the proper words to describe how im feeling. its unusual..

btw, it is our 2nd "monthsary" tomorrow. i dont know if he has plans, or if he even remembered.. im still fighting the urge to mention it to him. i dont know what to do. my plans for tomorrow are already hindered by my late execution.. so i guess, we have to do with what is available, which i have no idea what our options are.

on other things, i might be able to get full scholarship again for my fifth year. yey!Ü

whatever happens, he's there for me

my weekend was stressful. i have never been in this much stress in weeks. i have been handling myself properly until yesterday when i broke down. it rarely happens. and when it does, well, it is heartbreaking to see me cry that much because i rarely cry these days. i just came to that point when i cant handle things anymore.

anyway, that is another thing of the past. seriously, at this point of time, i seem to have no regard over things that are rational. its as if i am acting on mere whim. whatever my heart feels like doing i do so, without thinking twice if its right or wrong.

anyway, i feel so alone here at home. as if everybody's ganging up on me to make my life really miserable. that's the reason why i broke down. but despite that, i am happy to have someone who would back me up. someone who would continue to inspire me. to set things straight for me. someone to cheer me up, to assure me that things will really get better in the long run. someone who strengthens me and reminds me of my abilities.

although we still have a lot of things left undiscussed, i hope we could find time to discuss all these. for now, i am happy that we are together supporting each other. time is really a scarce commodity these days..

he did something before we went home. i kinda hinted what it was but i was in my un-thinking mode. how it felt? well, it kinda felt nice, but funny, i dont know how to describe it. i guess he was still really hesitant about it. for me however, it is still not an issue. i want to take things slow. i just dont want him to be influenced by his peers. unless he really thinks that it is necessary, then i guess, we have to talk things over...

i love being around him, its like an addiction i have little control over. the weather's really cold around here and having his arms around me warms me up. his smell is like an assuring scent that things will be ok no matter what.

its been a while

i really resisted the temptation of updating here because of my stressful academic week. but now that i am temporarily free, its time to be ultimately cheesy and well, kinda problematic..

well, first of all, it was a rather disappointing comeback week for us. for one, we've been so busy. its like, the moment we went back to school meant that we dont have much time to spend together. it is frustrating. and in the short times that we are together, we dont seem to spend quality time. what is quality time to me anyway?

another thing, i really want to discuss some serious stuff about us, but i dont want to add to the things that really stress him out for the moment. he is handling two upcoming projects, plus his acad load is not really that light. plus, the pressure of elections (i dont even know if that's bothering him). on the other hand, i have my fair share of troubles myself. i dont want to get straight Ds in all my majors. i am so frustrated with myself as if i havent done anything right the moment 2nd sem started so now im suffering. crap.

so there, i really miss hanging out with him. and really enjoying and relaxing. but i suppose those things will have to wait.

one thing that really bothers me now is our intimacy. are we PDA-ing? i cant tell. but i really miss those bonding times. i wonder if he feels the same way.

another thing, i seem a bit insecure lately. what is wrong with me? with him? with us?

crap. i hate being melodramatic.

thinking thoughts

hmmm... it is starting to dawn on me.. depressing thoughts.. after the many elating days, its gone.. we're apart now.

come to think of it..im not the kind who is soo dependent on my partner. fine i miss him,but not to the point that i dont feel like doing anything because he's not with me. or just wishing he's with me wherever i am. as if i can't stand on my own two feet. its not me. i feel alienated...

sometimes i think, he really handles things more maturely than i do. and its weird. am i really on this stage of life where everythings gets turned inside out. from the organize freak to the happy-go-lucky. from the strong and independent to the needy and immature. what has happened to me? can falling make me change this much?

but come to think of it, time apart means time for myself. time to find myself again. some soul-searching.. right. i need to use this time wisely because come january, i dont want to be alienated again...


ok so back to the happy and kilig updates..

we had our supposed last day together last friday.. as promised, we again stayed in bel field, him ditching the caroling night which made me feel really guilty but he promised he'll explain to the caroling people. we ate the food we brought. green mangoes as promised.. although we didnt buy any bel field food as we intended to. and then we watched the stars, and the lights until they were turned off. and hugged, and hugged some more.. sigh.. record of having the longest, sweetest, weirdest hug ever. he gave me a gift. a monkey i'll be naming after him. i demanded him to spray his cologne on the monkey so i can still smell him all the time (although i miss terribly his old smell). and i'll be putting him beside me as i go to sleep...Ü

first time we held hands. his hands are so big. and very warm, too.

then, come sunday, i wasnt so sure if he could come. but he did. and mom saw us together and thought something's up. i knew it. mothers can really feel what's going on with their daughters. oh well...

then that was it. that was the last time we'll be seeing each other until God knows when. it saddens me. i miss him terribly right now. but i have to be strong. on my own. i dont have to depend on him all the time..

after the longest time

ang tagal ko na rin palang hindi naguupdate..
wala lang, bisi-bisihan kuno..

hmm.. ano bang kwento.. well, the usual stuff.. hangout, kwentuhan, kilitian, hugs..

ayy, nung tuesday, pumunta kami sa leong roofdeck para magpahangin.. at nagkwento lang siya about his childhood at nagcomment siya sa dumi sa ilong ko, wakekekke..


wednesday, kwinento ko naman siya sa pearls at kina abi nung nagmeet kami para sa lantern parade.. namiss ko siya that day kasi hindi ko siya kasama pero lagi niya naman akong tinetext so ok na rin

thursday, well, kanina, hindi kami gaano nagbonding.. pero meron akong rewards from him: 1. lollipop 2. infinite kiliti 3. 1-minute hug na inextend ko to infinite times of 1-minute hugs. demanding, i know..

wala lang, feeling ko lang ang PDA namin.. ewww..


kanina ko lang nabasa yung blog niya.. touching.. grabe, parang perfect. haaaayyyyy

sang araw sa huling buwan ng taon
naligkis ng lamig buo niyang katawan
sa parang na tila luntiang karagatan
sa duyan ng kahoy siya nanahan

nakatunghay sa pinakamatarok na likha
sa krus siya ay nakatingala
paligid niya'y may kumikislap na gaya ng mga tala
ngunit ni isa rito ang pumawi sa pagkabalisa

hanggang sa ang pinakamakinang na tala sa kanyang langit na tinitingala
sa kanya na ay bumaba
hindi na nga nagkakalayo at kapiling na
siguro nga'y wala na siyang hihilingin pa

ayun.. minsan talaga napapaisip ako.. namimiss ko siya pag hindi ko siya kasama. para bang gusto ko lang na lagi ko siyang katabi. pero minsan naman wala kaming pinag-uusapan. wala lang. weird lang. pero fun talaga pag kasama ko siya. kasi wala lang. bonding..

napapaisip din ako kung anong sense nito? wala lang. sweet lang. happy ka lang. tapos, so what? wala lang.

pero happy naman ako. at nasasanay na rin ako sa mga usual things na ginagawa namin. specially the hugs. i love it!

haaayyy...

a different kind of bonding

my day started unpleasantly, but i managed to get through all of it because i had one thing in mind, our bonding later in the afternoon.. it was a good thing that i really planned to jog in school at least once a week after my tuesday class, so it was like hitting two birds with one stone..

however, since i dont have much practice in any physical activity, my weak stamina got the better of me, so i had to stop jogging, a few minutes after we started.. i was already having side stitches.. it was starting to get really painful.. much as i would like to keep up with him, i dont want to be in so much pain, so i had to let him go ahead, as i walked my way to the cov courts where we agreed to meet after a few minutes..

after jogging, we stayed by his locker to rest for a while.. i was really having the urge to give him a huge hug despite our being so sweaty.. but i resisted myself.. i settled on just leaning on his shoulder because i was really dead beat then.. he still smelled nice even though he was really dripping with sweat..

we changed afterwards, and behold, we were wearing the same shirt, hahaha.. the shirt we got from CEAP.. oohh, tells something.. anyway, it was time for us to go home then.. kim joined us, but i didnt mind.. i hope he didnt mind either..

before going home, he treated me with kwek kwek.. (street food, it was an adventure for me, hahaha).. he also saved me from getting hit by a motorcycle. (damn that driver) and he tried to hugged me before he bid me goodbye, but my bagpack was so huge, so i wondered how it felt for him..

there.. good day for me again.. enough to get me inspired for my lt tom..

i wonder why i had to blog all the things that's been happening about us. i was even thinking if i would let him read this one day.. i dont know.. maybe, this whole experience makes me extremely happy. so its nice to keep good memories, right?