kuya

wala akong kuya..
yung nakatatandang kapatid
sa totoo lang, matagal ko nang gustong magkaroon ng kapatid na lalaki..
ewan ko..
parang ang sarap kasi ng pakiramdam na mayroong magtatanggol sa yo kapag inaaway ka..
o kaya sobrang lakas mang-asar pero may halong lambing..
yun siguro ang dahilan kung bakit mas malapit ako sa mga lalake..
iba kasi yung security na nakukuha mo mula sa kanila..
saka kung iniisip mo na ang mga lalake yung mga tipo ng tao na walang kabuluhang kausap at puro kagaguhan lang ang alam sa buhay, nagkakamali kayo..
magaling silang makinig at magpayo..

si kuya..
meron akong kuya..
lagi niya akong binabantayan at inaalagaan..
tinitiyak na ayos lang ako at hindi ako mapapahamak..
pero binibigyan niya ako ng sapat na puwang upang matuto ako sa sarili ko..
siya na siguro ang isa sa mga pinaka-ideyal na taong tumulong sa pagkahubog ko bilang tao.
subalit tulad ng lahat ng mga magagandang bagay, kinailangan niya akong lisanin
at patuloy na tumubo sa sarili ko..

pero hindi niya naman ako tuluyang pinabayaan.
ibinilin niya ako sa isa sa kaniyang mga pinkamalapit na kaibigan
nakita niya siguro ang pangangailangan ko sa isang kuya kung kayat tiniyak niya na hindi ako mapababayaan

ok naman ang pangalawa kong kuya..
may pagkakaiba sila ng una kong kuya pero gusto ko rin siya..
lagi siyang handang makinig sa mga tila walang katapusan kong pagrereklamo sa buhay..
nakikinig lang siya..
pagkatapos, pag nararamdaman niyang malapit na akong maiyak sa bigat ng dala ko..
sasabihin niya sa akin, hinga ka muna.. puso mo..
libre kitang ice cream?Ü

haay..

salamat sa kaniya at nakakakaya ko pang pagtiisan ang lahat ng pinagdadaraan ko.
pag kasama ko siya, pakiramdam ko, nagbabalik ako sa pagiging isang batang alagain, paslit at walang muwang
napakatanga sa buhay at kailangang laging may kasama para hindi mapahamak

nakakatuwa naman siya dahil parang hindi siya marunong magalit..
parang lagi lang siyang nakatawa at kayang-kaya ang lahat ng mga bagay.
bilib talaga ako sa mga taong ganun
yung kahit mabigat na ang lahat, parang wala pa rin, kalmado pa rin

natutuwa rin ako sa kaniya dahil magaling siya maggitara..
masarap siyang kasama sa jamming sessions..
kahit yata ano, kaya niyang tugtugin e..
ang laking tulong talaga nito lalo na sa mga panahong gusto ko na lang sumabog

isa pa, alam niya ang mga limitasyon ko..
naiintindihan niya ang mga sentimyento ko sa buhay..
alam niya rin kung paano ako pasasayahin..
kaya hindi sumasayad ang nguso ko sa lupa kapag kasama ko siya..
kasi sasaluhin niya na ito bago pa man ito mahulog..

siya ang bago kong kuya..
sana hindi niya na ako kailanganin pang iwan..
pero ganun talaga..
may mga bagay na kailangang matapos..
kahit gaano pa ito kasaya..



you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams..

muling pagkikita...

matapos ang panahong hindi ko na nais pang malaman kung gaano na katagal nakalipas..
nakita na naman kitang muli..
hindi ko ito inaasahan..
pagkat sa aking pagkakaalam, sa isang linggo pa..
bagamat hindi ko pinaghahandaan..
kahit papano'y napag-iisipan ko na rin kung ano bang gagawin ko sakaling iwan nila tayo..

ayokong hindi maging handa..
at alam kong alam mo yun..
marahil naghahanda ka na nga rin e..

hindi ko talaga inaasahan..
ang akala ko, ang isa pa nating kaibigan ang kasama nila.
subalit dahil ikaw nga, meron pa ba akong magagawa?
ang akala ko nun, kung sino lang ang nasa harapan ko nun..
iniisip ko pa nga na unahan na kitang maglakad sapagkat nakaharang ka sa aking dinadaanan..
pagharap mo..
ayun, siguro'y saglit na tumigil ang panahon..
sa sobrang sandali'y hindi ko na rin naramdaman..

ayoko namang magmukhang tanga na nakatunganga lang..
kaya't ayun, dinaldal na kita..
kung anu-ano ang pinagsasabi ko nun..
wag lang talagang magkaroon ng tahimik na sandali sa ating dalawa..
mabuti na rin palang hindi tayo nag-iiwasan..
(naisip ko na kahit papano, hindi na ako dapat magtago kapag bigla tayong nagkita sa isang di sinasadyang pagkakataon)
katulad ng inaasahan, may kaunting tampulan ng mga tukso..
hirit at kung ano pang pang-aasar..
pero hindi naman lahat ng ganun ay pinapansin..

saglit lamang ang lahat.
sa isang pagdampi ng ating mga palad..
isang kumpas ng kamay
at wala na..
marahan na akong lumabas sa silid kung saan tayo muling nagtagpo matapos ang panahong hindi ko na nais alamin kung gaano na katagal ang nakalipas..
marahil hindi na yun mahalaga..
sa isang linggo, may pagkakataon pa..
kung para saan, yung ang hindi ko alam..
mag-usap, magbalitaan..
pag-usapan ang mga bagay na iniiwasan..
bahala na..

basta ang alam ko ngayon..
sa kabila ng tambak na dapat kong matapos bago pumutok ang bukang liwayway..
heto ako at ibinubuhos ang laman ng aking puso at isip..

bahala na..
kung ano mang mangyari ay wala na akong pakialam..
wala akong panahon sa mga bagay na iyan..
pero ikaw yan..
at mahalaga ka sa buhay ko..


parang tuloy nagdilang anghel pa si kuya rb..
akalain mo, nakita ko nga ang "ex" ko..
nadelay nga lang ng isang araw..


background music: una by spongecola
exam ko na sa theo at ma124 mamaya..
kumusta naman?
wala na namang tulugan to..

22 RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS

galing sa friendster..


1)Single, Taken, or Crushing?
>single and happy, but crushing.. haha, labo

2) Are you happy with where you are?
>kind of.. but i think life could get a lot better..

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall
fast?
>nope, i'm too rational..

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
>unfortunately

5) Do you believe that there are certain
circumstances where cheating is ok?
>i don't consider it cheating then..

6) Would you ever take someone back if they
cheated on you?
>hmmm, it depends on the gravity of cheating

7) Have you talked about marriage with another
person?
>just on a light note, not seriously..

8) Do you want children?
> of course!

9) How many?
>haven't thought of it

10) Would you consider adoption?
>if i won't have my own, then i guess, its a yes..

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you
think is a cool way to let you know?
>let him keep it to himself first.. honestly, i can't deal with such situations right now.. i'm too busy for love..

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
>please, it's pathetic..

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you
are dating?
>what "game"?

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
>no, that's stupid

15) Are you romantic?
>it depends

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
>i hope for the better..

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not
an object where would it be?
>i don't know, i have no plans yet!

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
>yeah..:(

19) Have you ever wished you could've had
someone but you couldn't?
>hmm, not really... if i know the person's out of my league then i let it be that way

20) Have you ever broken a heart?
>guilty..

21) Would you ever fight somebody over your
significant other?
>if i could avoid it. i hate arguments..

22)What would you say about your last ex?
>i love you, goodbye.. (see previous posts)

minesweeper

ang buhay ay parang minesweeper..
oo, yun yung game sa pc na isang malaking grid na may super daming numbers at bomba..
adik ako dun..

sa sobrang adik ko dun naisip ko itong irelate sa buhay..
una, magsisimula ka sa wala..
tapos gagawa ka ng initial steps para naman may patunguhan ka..
e di, sige, ok lang..
pag simula pa lang, talo ka na, walang problema..
pwede namang magsimula ulit e..
ok naman so far
kaya lang habang tumatagal, lalong humhirap..
minsan, parang ayaw mo na lang tapusin.
parang gusto mo na lang i-reset para makapagsimula ka ulit..
kaya lang, naisip mo ring sayang naman kung uulit ka pa lalo na't malayo na rin ang narating mo..
kaya yun, magttake risks..
pag tsumamba, ok!
pero isang mali na, guguho lahat ng pinaghirapan at pinag-isipan mo ng husto for 220++ seconds..
ang masaklap naman nun, talo naman..

ang hirap talagang manalo sa minesweeper..

parang sa buhay..
mahirap manalo..
pero kapag napagdaanan mo na lahat ng hirap at buhay ka pa..
saka mo na lang maiisip na, worth it naman pala...

bonding.. yikee

mabblog sana ako ngayon kaya lang, narealize ko wala pala ako sa mood..
masyado lang ako naooverwhelm sa kasiyahan ngayon..
yikee, kinikilig ako, waheheheh

tag

Rules:
This is simple.
Just:
1. Emphasize all lines that apply to you.
2. Tag five more people after you finish, complete with links to their sites.
3. Let the person you've tagged KNOW that they've been tagged, for Pete's sake.
I wish I was a different ethnicity.
I have an eating disorder.
I'm short.
I'm tall.
I think I'm really attractive.
I prefer winter over summer.
I'm a geek.
I'm a shopaholic.
I'm reasonably intelligent.
I'm attracted to girls.
I'm attracted to boys.
I like British accents.
I smoke regularly.
I drink regularly.
I smoke socially.
I drink socially.
I get drunk easily.
I do drugs.
I will never date a bad kisser.
I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
I'm religious.
I'm not religious but have morals.
I lie frequently.
I'm impulsive.
I'm hardworking.
I liked "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind".
"She's All That" is one of my favourite movies.
I'm good at History.
I speak more than two languages.
I enjoy taking pictures.
I like spending money on myself.
I like spending money on others.
I have a regular income.
I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
I pay my own bills.
I rely on my parents for money.
I can cook.
I enjoy cleaning.
Tidyness is a must in my life.
I like clutter.
My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
I'm fashion-conscious.
I have good taste.
People tell me I have good taste.
I excel academically.
I'm told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
I'm good at sports.
I'm good at certain sports.
I couldn't do sports to save my life.
I'm creative.
I'm artistically inclined.
I wanna be an artist when I grow up.
I wanna be an engineer when I grow up.
I eat when I'm upset.
I cannot adapt to change.
I'm interested in politics.
I have shoplifted.
I download MP3s.
I've done underage drinking.
I've gone underage clubbing.
I can dance reasonably well.
I can dance extremely well.
I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
I can sing.
I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
I can swim.
I enjoy surveys.
I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
I keep a journal.
My teachers don't like me.
I enjoy controversy.
I can be a bitch/bastard.
I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
I have tattoos.
I've been in a nudist colony.
I'm not sure if I want to have children.
I'm not sure if I'll get married.
I know who I will marry.
I'm interesting.
I'm a good liar.
People enjoy talking to me.
I annoy people from time to time.
I'm a born leader.
I'm a born leader but shouldn't lead.
I enjoy felching.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a shoe fetish.
I watch "Sex and the City".
I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
I wanna be J.Lo.
I cut myself.
I've cut myself.
I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
I hate popular people.
I think cheerleading is a sport.
I'm photogenic.
I live in Chucks.
I think graffiti is art.
I have dated a criminal.
I have been cheated on.
I have cheated on someone.
I have a temper.
I like playgrounds.
I dance in the rain.
I'm obsessed with Shakespeare.
I have tanlines.
My favourite color is pink.
My favourite color is black.
I would classify myself as emo.
I'm musically inclined.
I like listening to music.
I like music-blasting cars.
Thongs are comfortable.
I like flip-flops.
I know what monogamy is......and I believe in it.
I wanna be a social worker when I grow up.
I have sibling/s.
My sibling/s annoy me.
I think "South Park" is funny.
I believe in LOVE.


bahala na kayo kung gusto niyo i-tag..

campmath reflection

after four saturdays of tiring activities both mentally and physically..

finally, campmath days are over..
i'm not sure if i'm feeling happy or simply relieved..
i'm still wondering what i gained from this experience..
until now, i still think that it was a waste of time and energy
not to mention my countless sacrifices, change of priorities, and discovering some people's negative half..

*sigh*

i hope i could really see the importance of my helping in campmath..
only then can i say that it was worth all the hassle..