four thoughts

i am expecting this will be a long blog entry. we'll see..

number1: we havent been talking to each other for quite some time already. although i didnt mind it that much. it means we'll have a lot to talk about when we see each other again. besides, we update each other when we have to. it is enough, i think..

i really want to see him soon. i hope tomorrow.

number 2: PNK

i don't mind the new responsibility. but everytime i think about it, this thought always comes in mind: never the big boss, always the second in command. i dont want to think that way, but it is quite true. i dont know if i truly deserve the position. we are in this stage when people are not quite active. are the skills i learned in Gabay applicable here? i cant tell. but at least now, i am certain that God will not forsake me here.

number 3: dad

this frustrates me, really. i guess this is just a test of patience for me again. i love my family deeply. but i dont know how far that love can take me.

this is what happened. dad is pissed with me. i am pissed with him as well, and i dont know why. my mom's theory is that, dad cant take out his anger to anyone at home anymore so he's just taking it out on me. unfair i know. its just, sad on my part

we'll see in the years to come what will happen..

the future is certainly a scary thing. but with a ready heart, and a determined mind, nothing is too scary to overcome.

number 4: i cant bear this anymore. i really need to talk to him to clear things out. i am quite torn on how i would open it to him. option 1: be mean, option 2: be subtle and sensitive. i am opting for option 2. however, i dont know when i could talk to him. i wont be seeing him for quite sometime (which is a relief!) but i want to get this over with soon.

honestly, i pity the guy. he is so ickingly devoted. however, all his efforts don't work for me for one simple reason. i just dont like him the way he likes me. i can be really stubborn at times.

so there, i will try to be nice. and i really hope he leaves me alone for good.

i am planning to return everything he has given me. its such a shame. gawd. i am mean.

this post is not so long after all