to my father
hey dad!
i have so many things against you. since i was a kid, you caused me a lot of pain. do you know why i have so many scars on my legs. you dont know it but it was your fault. i was being so rebellious for all your strictness. silly me that i didnt know i was actually hurting myself. i just hate it when you tell me to not do things that i do the exact opposite without thinking about it. dont worry, i know better now.
i really hate you for not listening to me. i dont know why you are so proud to be my father (are you?) when you dont know much about me. i am a total stranger to you, daddy. you dont know what i have been through. you dont know what i was able to do. you have no idea of the things i was able to accomplish. i dont know why is that. maybe you were to busy looking at different things. or maybe because you were just not interested.
dad, you're a very self-centered and narrow-minded at times. i know these words are very harsh. probably you are not entirely self-centered. because i know you care about us in some degree. i appreciate your efforts for making sure we have all our needs at times. but you know what, dad, more important than these physical things are things of the heart. we may not be as affectionate as other families. i dont need that either. i just need an ear that listens, a heart that understands. a father that trusts. dad, we are not stupid, and you know it. sometimes, you are too proud to admit it. you wont explain things, how are we supposed to understand them? we cant figure out things on our own all the time. it is heart-breaking.
dad, why dont you understand me sometimes? am i a really bad daughter? was i really disrespectful? do i only give you heartache? do you know dad, i feel the same way too. i may only be your daughter, but i deserve some respect too. maybe it is difficult for you to give it to me. i am not expecting too much anyway. i just need you to listen. and to understand.
it pains me to have a relationship with you this bad. i usually go along well with guys in general, what is the matter with us? you are my father. and i love you, by default. but i dont feel the love from you. as if you were only doing things because you were expected to do so.
im sorry if i feel this way.. maybe if i am older, i will understand why. for now, i am as confused as any teenage daughter with angst to her parents. dad, you dont know how much heartache you have caused me. how many times i cried because of the pain i felt because of you. but because of that, dad. i thank you. i am a much braver person now, braver than i expected. or probably it was just for show. i dont know.
i just hope things will get better between the two of us. i dont want you to get in the way of achieving my dreams and being totally happy. dont worry dad, i will still take care of you when you get old.
i have so many things against you. since i was a kid, you caused me a lot of pain. do you know why i have so many scars on my legs. you dont know it but it was your fault. i was being so rebellious for all your strictness. silly me that i didnt know i was actually hurting myself. i just hate it when you tell me to not do things that i do the exact opposite without thinking about it. dont worry, i know better now.
i really hate you for not listening to me. i dont know why you are so proud to be my father (are you?) when you dont know much about me. i am a total stranger to you, daddy. you dont know what i have been through. you dont know what i was able to do. you have no idea of the things i was able to accomplish. i dont know why is that. maybe you were to busy looking at different things. or maybe because you were just not interested.
dad, you're a very self-centered and narrow-minded at times. i know these words are very harsh. probably you are not entirely self-centered. because i know you care about us in some degree. i appreciate your efforts for making sure we have all our needs at times. but you know what, dad, more important than these physical things are things of the heart. we may not be as affectionate as other families. i dont need that either. i just need an ear that listens, a heart that understands. a father that trusts. dad, we are not stupid, and you know it. sometimes, you are too proud to admit it. you wont explain things, how are we supposed to understand them? we cant figure out things on our own all the time. it is heart-breaking.
dad, why dont you understand me sometimes? am i a really bad daughter? was i really disrespectful? do i only give you heartache? do you know dad, i feel the same way too. i may only be your daughter, but i deserve some respect too. maybe it is difficult for you to give it to me. i am not expecting too much anyway. i just need you to listen. and to understand.
it pains me to have a relationship with you this bad. i usually go along well with guys in general, what is the matter with us? you are my father. and i love you, by default. but i dont feel the love from you. as if you were only doing things because you were expected to do so.
im sorry if i feel this way.. maybe if i am older, i will understand why. for now, i am as confused as any teenage daughter with angst to her parents. dad, you dont know how much heartache you have caused me. how many times i cried because of the pain i felt because of you. but because of that, dad. i thank you. i am a much braver person now, braver than i expected. or probably it was just for show. i dont know.
i just hope things will get better between the two of us. i dont want you to get in the way of achieving my dreams and being totally happy. dont worry dad, i will still take care of you when you get old.
Labels: dad, realization
posted by the nemesis @ 7:39 AM
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