disappointed

if there's one thing that i could hardly accept in my life.. that would be disappointment..
i'm feeling it right now, and it's crushing me..

could i just die right now?

i just hate this feeling so much that my head feels like exploding..
my heart has a dozen broken pieces scattered everywhere...
dang! i hate myself.. can i just die at this moment?

i have 2 long tests on tuesday..
i haven't studied for any..
i spent my friday inefficiently..
i had a busy saturday..
an even more hectic sunday..
another depressing monday coming up..
can i just skip tuesday?

i hate my life..
it's so messed up..

i hate wasting my time for something that i did enjoy but to the cost of my academics..
dang opportunity costs..
can't i just have the best of both worlds?

when can i ever fix this...

am i not responsible enough?

though i am already tempted to cry this all out..
i have no tears to shed.. even if i wanted to..

i just want to have everything i want...
can't just everything fall back into its place.
this place is reeked...
i hate everything's that happening to me...