the notebook

the notebook is a classic cheesy romance novel, written exquisitely by nicholas sparks. i commend him for his beautiful poetry and the appropriate way of writing the story. it definitely tugged at my heartstrings, however, reminding me of my own still sad love escapade. i found it quite similar to what i have undergone, but i have no idea yet if it would end similarly to the notebook's ending. it was too damn sweet. sometimes i find it hard to believe that such love exists. love despite the short encounter, but still full of meaning and promise and truth that stood even the longest test of time. anyway, it is a work of fiction. but a tiny glint of hope is bossoming in my heart. telling me that maybe, just maybe, my story could be like allie and noah's.

that is why i am still wondering now if i would completely let you go. i am still afraid to pick up the phone and dial your number just to know how you are doing. it is difficult for me for i have already tried twice and got disappointed at both times. but still, i see no effort on your part (besides your checking on my friendster profile). i am not sure if you are giving me the space that i asked from you. but this is too much space, i guess. i could still remember the last time we saw each other. it was magical. unbelievable. yet it happened. although i still feel confused and i refuse to give it much thought, one thing is clear, we still respond the same way we did months ago, before we bade each other goodbye. and now, i have no idea if it still the same. if i am waiting for something wonderful, or i am just wasting my life waiting for nothing.

it is painful. so i just keep myself busy. work myself to death in order to forget. (i got this from the notebook, too. when gus told noah that people who work too hard are either crazy, stupid or bitter).. maybe i am bitter. it was my fault. and i admit it. it is hard for me as it is to you. you may not believe my reasons. but i still hold on to the promise that we had, if you still remember. because i still do. no matter how stupid and pathetic it sounds.

i'm still waiting.
i'm bleeding inside.
still hoping for spring to come.
when bumblebees and butterflies fly together
as they fill the gardens with color and life.

a funny coincidence:
while i was typing this down, my shuffled playlist played my favorite stonefree single.