i know i'm busy... but i have to get this out of my mind first

first things first..

i hate you...
now i've written it down, it feels soo much better..

what i don't really like about this relationship we're having is it consumes so much of my time and my braincells than i want it to..
its not fair..
i suppose, i haven't known you that much to begin with...


dang, i hate it.. i just hate how i'm feeling right now..
i feel so confused, stupid, unloved, under appreciated..
add to that the stress of academics and org work..
imagine what i'm going through right now..

i wish you could be as sensitive to me as i am to you..
it feels so one-sided..

why do i always have to give when i'm not generous in the first place?
why do i have to understand and worry about you when before, i am just so selfish and independent?
why am i consuming so much of my energy for this? are you doing the same thing?
am i really ready for this?
or am is still blown away by its suddenness that i've lost all the confidence and personality i've built up around me..
my defences are down..

its not fair..
its soo not fair..

why can't i feel that i am being loved or missed at the very least?!?

you selfish person..
and i can't even say this to your face..
its soo not me..

i can't wait til everything is over..
by that time, i may not be as sane as i am now..

what i don't understand is, i'm not even asking for much..
i'm not demanding, as far as i know..

i am being tamed, even if i don't want to be..

ok, enough drama. now, back to my books