pathetic

before i go to bed, i make it a point to listen to our song..
every single pathetic night..
i don't know why..
maybe there are just some things that you will continue to keep just to remind you of the things connected with it.
what do i get?
satisfaction
pain
hurtful memories
it reminds me of the good times i'm not having right now..
its really pathetic..
maybe i've gone emotionally masochistic..
i don't care if my feelings get hurt.
i just continue to do what i feel like doing then ignore the bitter feelings afterwards..
its really pathetic!

not now..

that's what kept me going this past year..
maybe we're really meant for each other..
but not now..

but then again, i'm having these second thoughts..
what if not?
what if i'm just hallucinating?
what if everything's just a stupid scheme?
what if you're just playing games with me?
what if its not genuine?

then i will end up with my heart broken..
..again..
i'm hopeless..
i'm pathetic..
i'm a sick person waiting for something uncertain to arrive



happy birthday jireh!