familiar feeling

i hate this weird feeling..

in fact, i refuse to think about it because i know this feeling..
i hate it becasue it's familiar..
i know where it begins, and when it eventually ends.. it causes pain, disappointment.. shattered friendships.. awkwardness.. all the things i hate about life.. they are coming back to me all at once..

i am single.. and not looking..
i am focused..
i try to be happy with what i am doing.

i love it when i am with you... before..

but things changed..


before, i know i could still suppress the feeling..
but everytime we two are together..

i feel something weird..
as if the closeness had been gone..

and replaced with this coldness..
compensating the feeling of likeness..
to hide what the heart truly feels..

i can feel the difference now when you are looking at me..

i'm trying to weigh if you are worth the shot..
if you can replace him, the person you keep on reminding me of..

i refuse to ponder on these thoughts..
i think it is a betrayal to him, to the one i truly love.. (by the way, he has initiated a way in contacting me.. )

hearts all over the place..

damn valentines day..
it pushed me to start thinking of such stupid thoughts..


they say when someone looks at you.. you can feel it..
but why is it that when you are looking at me..
i can't feel your eyes on me..